Viewer discretion is advised because… well, not entirely sure why. A fairly tame episode. Unless you’re horrified at the thought of a child being raised by Chloe and Morris.

In the Kneecaps, Taylor and Dubaku square off. Taylor snarls “you son of a <<female dog>>.” The sister from hell and Guess Who’s Not Coming To Dinner. A knife fight. Walker said Jack went to the corner of 18th and Reagan out of self-defense. Or something like that. And, Taylor in his chair. He’s getting used to sitting immobilized. Oh yeah, he gets shot and falls over, just like SecDef Heller did in his chair when put on “trial” by terrorists. Except Jack gave him a hand signal to do that.

With that, we begin with an ambulance already outside the authentic Korean grocery. Considering that Jack bellowed at Walker to get an ambulance only a couple minutes ago, I can only assume that the ambulance garage is right across the street.

Jack gives Taylor ye olde “don’t talk, save your energy.” Now, if you’ve been with me awhile, you know my nurse wife often chimes in with medical commentary. She worked ICU a lot of years, and she said she never heard someone say that in a medical setting. If the patient is trying to talk, they probably are trying to say something they think is important.

Jack calls the President and gives her the news about the First (and fading in the rankings?) Husband? President Cherry asks Jack for a medical diagnosis. Ok, class, who can spot the flaw in the President’s attempt to get information?

Then, as the President stalks the Oval Office chewing every last splinter of the scenery, she says (I paraphrase here) “Screw the invasion of Lasagna! I’m going to the hospital!” Bill Buchanan offers to serve as Palace Guard. (Though, he might want to review the Eunuch Clause before signing on to that.)

Since Nobody Can Be Trusted in the White House or FBI, Bill wants to turn Chloe loose in the FBI. And we’re on a collision course with wackiness! The Prez bellows “I want that son of a <<female dog>> found!” Goodness, such a mouth on these Taylors.

Dubaku is now outside the diner/drive-in/dive where Marika works. He’s in a hurry, so no time to break the news gently. He has to leave the country, because darn the luck, he’s the one illegal alien Immigration Service is actually trying to deport. He wants her to just up and leave everything and come with him to Belize. (Warning sign #1) He even promises to bring Bitter Sister Rosa along in a few days. (Warning sign #2) If Marika is dumb enough to believe that, she deserves what she gets.

Then, Dubaku has called up some white guy who is acting as his travel agent. They will meet in a hotel. Um, er… oh, oh, to exchange the necessary documents.

Back at the basement, Walker has blood under her eyes, like that stuff football players put on their cheekbones to cut down on sun glare. Walker looks like she’s 90 pounds soaking wet. Don’t think she’s gonna last long at defensive tackle.

Walker calls Moss. I had soured on Larry for awhile, but I’ve been really digging him the last couple weeks. He has another exasperated conversation about how Walker has gone off the deep end. He refers to “Jack Bauer’s rationalization for every unethical action he takes.” I can see Larry is a long-time fan of the show!

Walker defends her actions in the Vossler home, and says “No one was hurt.” Larry about spits his teeth across the room and says “Bauer killed her husband!” oh yeah, I guess that qualifies as someone getting hurt.

Jack has dug through some PDAs lying around and found an address for some banking transactions. 21917 Euclid St Apt 6. We’ll soon see this where Marika lives. So why is her address associated with the illicit transactions Dubaku has been doing?

At the first break, clocks are at :12 to :12. Coming back, clocks are at :16 to :14. Time spins. Everything loses all meaning. Well, not everything. “Dung beetle” still sounds kinda funny.

Marika has arrived home. Darn, I wanted to hear that conversation where she told her boss she’s leaving it all behind to go Belize. And watch some poor schlep in a booth look at his watch and wonder why his waitress is taking so long to bring him the cackle fruit and Burn the British he ordered.

Rosa is snoozing in front of tv. It’s hard to hear, but it’s clear the krazy kaptions are completely different than what we hear. Which is just as well. The krazy kaptions have someone saying, at what is now around 4:20 PM, “Good morning! Our show this morning is about secrets!” I suppose that was someone’s idea of subtlety, to have this on while Marika, someone with a Secret, walks in the door.

Morris!! Was wondering if we’d get a little scene of domestic tranquility with the Chloe family! Ah, and the little tyke is in the back. (His name is Prescott, btw. Yeah, he’s not going to get beat up on the playground.) Chloe is getting dropped off at the FBI so she can save the galaxy. Morris asks “And then we can go home?”

Chloe is there to help track down Dubaku, but it has to be on the hush hush. As she walks by Janis, they exchange Rival Geek looks. Janis does well to avoid hissing and making devil horn signs with her fingers.

Chloe makes some disparaging remarks about the FBI network, only to learn Larry is the one who set it up that way. With Chloe, the path from her brain to mouth is like the top of the highest point of a roller coaster. With a little nudge, the words hurtle down till they’re going half the speed of light at the bottom, and no power on earth can stop it.

Ah, but Sean’s girlfriend knows Chloe is ex-CTU, and gets Janis to scheming.

In the hotel, Dubaku and Mr. Burnett the travel agent come to a little understanding that no harm better come to him. Dubaku picks out Burnett’s henchmen around the room Mission Impossible style. When Dubaku leaves, Burnett calls someone and says “We’re busted. We’d better call off that whole Eliminate Dubaku thing.”

At the apartment, Rosa is curious why Marika is packing. A cat fight ensues. “I won’t let you do this!’ she spits. Yeah, you and whose army which is NOT in a wheelchair? Then… BOOM!

Jack and Walker come busting through the door. Isn’t it customary to knock? Well, maybe not for Jack but Walker is FBI. At least she was before today, when she turned into Walker de Sade.

Jack bellows at the terrifed women. “Where is Dubaku?” Marika lies and says she doesn’t know him, but Rosa, seeing her opening, immediately gives him up.

At the break, clocks are at :26 to :24. Coming back, they’re at :30 to :28.

Armed soldiers are wandering the halls of a hospital. Nurse Mitchell says to herself “This is not an ordinary day.” The Prez talks with the doc. Henry will be in surgery for at least 5 hours, thereby getting his character off the show for awhile. The Prez and Henry share a tender gurney moment before another nurse whisks him off and slams the door in the President’s face. The President peers through the window as the surgery gets underway.

Here, my nurse wife chimes in again and correctly points out that operating rooms are not just off the public hallways where anyone can just peer through big windows to watch the surgery.

Now, our little show spins off another plot thread. The Prez wants her daughter, Olivia, there. They haven’t really spoken in some time.

Back at the apartment, Marika is getting tired of seeing Walker’s iPhone Dubaku app. Jack says his real name is Ike Dubaku. (Pronounced Ee-kay.) Marika was pretty close to becoming Tee-nay Turner.

Dubaku finally calls, and wonders why it took her five seconds to answer the phone. (Warning sign #3). (Who is driving Dubaku around here?)

Jack and Walker discuss how to track down Dubaku. Walker suggests they “interrogate” the driver Dubaku is sending for Marika. Jack dismisses that. Why? How many times on this show has Jack forcefully interrogated people when time was running short? He shot one guy in the knee, he shot Henderson’s wife in the knee, and so on.

No, instead, it must be a genetic thing with Jack. He immediately thinks “Let’s put the sweet innocent Marika in mortal danger!” They want to track her by cell phone. He goes to her and tenderly says they have a “favor” to ask of her. No, Jack, a “favor” is when you ask someone to pick up your fantasy football recommendations from the printer when they go by the copy/fax/print center. Asking someone to place their life in danger is a little more than a favor. But don’t worry, Jack says, they’ll be no more than a mile behind. To her credit, Rosa knows that in the time it would take Jack and Walker to cover that mile in the event of an emergency, Marika could be sliced in pieces and hanging from a clothesline by then.

At the FBI, Janis can barely contain herself she’s so nosy and eager to find out what Chloe is doing. I had liked Janis up to this point. No longer. She is dead to me now.

Larry and Chloe start tracking Marika’s cell phone by her SID, 1C48689. Janis tries to stick her nose in by using code NXG-815. She is Dee-nied.

At the break, clocks are at :39 to :37. Coming back, they’re at :43 to :40.

Bill has sent someone he can trust to pick up First Daughter Olivia. It’s…. Aaron Pierce! (pause) Huh? What is he doing there in DC? How did Bill hook up with him? Last we saw, Aaron was Crazy Martha Logan’s boy toy in LA.

Janis wants Sean’s digital beta key, and she threatens to expose him. I mean, she threatens to reveal his relationship with the blonde to Larry, his wife, his mailman, etc…

Sean says “You’re a little <<female dog>>.” Janis counters with “You’re a little <<female dog>>.” I hear they brought David Mamet in to work on some of this dialog.

And now, a series of Copy Thats! Drink! My erstwhile guest critic Paul Foth pointed out for this section…

Why should anyone Jack is talking to assume that he really does “copy that” when he says, “Copy that”? For instance, when Chloe (who had her own “copy that” tonight–I even saw Jack take a nip from his flask when she said it) told him Marika’s car went to 14th and took a right and he said, “Copy that,” (gimme a shot) how was she to know he didn’t look at Walker and say, “Proceed to 15th and take a left”?

I’m not about to try and track all the streets and whatnot mentioned as Jack and Walker follow Dubaku and Marika, because y’all don’t pay me enough. Suffice it to say that Janis has succeeded in figuring out Chloe and Larry are doing.

At the break, clocks are at :39 to :37. Coming back, they’re at :43 to :40.

Huh, did Janis kill the grid? Why? Oh, it’s back up. Copy that! Somebody was in the sytem! Come see the intruder inherent in the system! Help help, we’re being repressed!

And then Metro PD is swarming all over Jack and Walker? How? How did they get there that fast?

Now, here’s the deal. We’re led to believe that Janis is the mole. But, we soon see that <<female dog>> Sean is the mole. How did he get the police there that quickly? Chloe discovers an order was sent from the FBI. It’s too long to type up, but the order was two long paragraphs of law enforcement gobbledygook. How did Sean type that up that fast? His keyboard must be smoking and smoldering right now.

The police order Jack and Walker out of the car. Jack yells at them “My name is Jack Bauer!” Uh, what exactly did he think that was going to do? Did he expect the cops to fall to the pavement and worship him?

In the end, Larry manages to secure their release. But, alas, Dubaku has moved on. It’s the Dubaku Debacle. (Say that five times fast. Jack dares you.)

Burnett calls Dubaku and warns him that the FBI are controlling Marika. He says “I’ll take care of her.” I’m betting he doesn’t mean he’ll provide a good home for her in Belize.

The episode removes the cuffs with the clocks at :00 to :56.

Number of times someone says a variation “Now!”, “No!”, “Move!” or “Go!”: 28
Number of times a “protocol” or “grid” is mentioned: 7
Number of times a “perimeter” is mentioned: 7
Number of times Jack/someone says “Drop the weapon!”: 5
Number of torture scenes : 5
Number of moles: 4
Approximate Body Count: 35, plus one security camera, plus two planes, plus one cable, plus numerous glass doors, plus one finger